Want an Ant?

 

 

 

If you read blogger guides, they say you have to do ‘give aways’ to keep the peoples a’coming back.  So, taking this under advisement and having been known to be generous to a fault, we get to thinking what all else is it we got that we can be spraying around to you guys? 

 

This is a concern as we are a long way in now; I mean for all I know this could be way late.  You could have been at no end of blogs getting stuff left and right and all the while have been reading through this here thinking “what is all this dross?  Enough with the Iris/Dahlia yadder yadder yadder – and when’s the free stuff coming”?

 

 

Well we ain’t specifically got nothing that fits the particulars of this remit excepting some of those poppy seeds – remember those from last time that we planted – they’re a no-show, so save yours’ for sprinkling on your baps or on Paul Hollywood – or both.  This is merely a serving suggestion – not an actual recipe. 

 

But then I got to thinking we sure do seem to have a surfeit of ant life here, so if we kind of shared them out – only one ant per household - then there’d be enough to go round.  Spreads them about a bit too, so they get to see more of the country and they’re not all bunched together in one place.  I know this comes off as essentially altruistic; it’s not at all, as we’ve got more ants than you can shake a stick at, all marching about here like they’ve got it going on. 

 

There was a gardeners’ Q&A in the paper at the weekend and some bight spark wrote in and said:
 

     Q:  What can we do about ant hills?

BTW that question was from Sandra Wheeler in Southampton. 

Seems like those folks in Southampton sure do have some time hanging heavy on their hands there. 

     A:  Ants do no harm – so the only problem is that you think the

          ant hills unsightly.  Brush the powdery soil from the ant hills

          and enjoy the presence of fascinating creatures in your garden.

 

Well, I beg to differ.  I find them intrinsically unfascinating.  In fact rather insolent and belligerent barging about like they own the place.  What the hell are they playing at down there anyway? 

 

 Then there’s that thing that they do isn’t there when they sprout wings and erupt up out of patio.  What’s that all about?  They all came rampaging into our conservatory.  Now I’m not trying to come over like “we’ve got a conservatory” or anything at all like that, I’m not, it’s not a circumstance which would ordinarily excite remark.  Particularly as it’s not a greatly relaxing or tranquil setting for transcendental musings and meditation if the windows are so winged-ant deep that you can’t see out.  Or, when contemplating ‘at-homes’; not such an aspirational space for honoured guests –  the florid entertaining thereof - if the milieu is so winged-ant thick that they’re getting tangled in the hair of said guests and clogged among the fancies.  I totally get why those Chinese built that Great Wall in China, if those Mongol Hordes was anything like as annoying as the ant invasion we had on Friday.  Totes get it guys. 

 

Oh, I’m not trying to put you off at all, you can still reserve yours’  Yaayyyy.  Ant, that is.  Ant – not conservatory.  You can still reserve your ant – we’re not giving away conservatories.  Just wanted to be crystal on that one.  Not ensnared in any misapprehensions in the small print.

 

Remember only one application per household, and please state if the required ant is of the winged or non-winged variety.

 

Please add +£1.50 P&P to your order. 

 

Thank you and you too can enjoy the presence of fascinating creatures in your garden – excepting in this case it would be ‘fascinating creature’.